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Survival Guide for Lazy People


Survival Guide for Lazy People

Are you lazy? Do you enjoy life? Chances are if you answered affirmative to each of these questions, you have got yet to seek out a survival guide in the case of an emergency or catastrophe. If so, sit back, and still relax in your product shorts and loafers as I guide you thru surviving the Apocalypse, even if you’re too lazy to try and do the dishes today.

Step 1

Buy a paracord. Similar to those cargo shorts you’re wearing, paracord has multiple functions in any survival situation. Though modern society looks down on those whose select practicality over fashion, a bear doesn’t decide what a part of you to eat first based on which colors match your shoes best. A bear will care that you just choose to use your 550 paracord to use as a spring loaded snare to hold him upside down in a tree or that instead you used the inside layer of you paracord to fashion a bow to shoot arrows at him. No, bears don’t answer fashion, but they hate lazy folks with paracord.

Step 2

Survival is feasible without water, however only for three days, and though you may miss your Mountain Dew Code Red and Four Loco, you’ll need to secure yourself some drinkable water if the ability goes out. And if in all the Bear Grylls shows you watched you never once thought to yourself that your pee would create an acceptable Mai-Tai, you’re in luck. Drinkable water is usually simple to search out when you have Potable Aqua. Merely find a moving fresh water supply like a spring, creek, or river, grab a liter of it, filter out the visible sediment, drop two tablets of Potable Aqua in and shake. Thirty minutes later you have drinkable water. And though it may taste bad, you’ll guarantee survival from things like bacteria, viruses, and lots of cysts like giardia lamblia.

Step 3

While living at home together with your parents has become the new hip trend in young adulthood, if a huge forest fire bursts out close to your neighborhood, you’ll finally take into account moving out. When you finally do decide to make the move from your parent’s burning home, you’ll notice that it’s tough to look up apartments on Craigslist without power. And though you won’t be ready to fit your 47” LCD into a tent, shelter is critical for survival in the case of immediate displacement. And if on your last family camping trip, you played Words with Friends while your parents set up the tent, relax, I’ve got your back. A tube tent is the simplest and most practical shelter to set up in the case of an immediate emergency. All you need is two trees, some string and a Polythylene (Plastic) cover and you’ll be sleeping in what smells like your pool floaties in five minutes.

See, that wasn’t so bad. I helped keep your mind off the dishes you didn’t do for a few minutes and now at least you have an idea of how to survive disasters without exerting to a lot of energy, which when you think about it in terms of survival, isn’t really lazy at all, it’s just efficient. With this guide you can prove that apathy can survive the Apocalypse.

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John Turner
John Turnerhttp://www.patriotdirect.org/
Dedicated to upgrowth, developement and prepared for the "worst" to come... Simple guy, simple skills, simple attitude. Just an ordinary guy who tries to survive!

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